I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Boobs are out for the taking
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
