I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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