WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
