Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
