she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
