and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
