I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
