I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
