I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
