I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
