Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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