Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
