Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Dignity is for republicans.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
