fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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