I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You were trust falling into bushes
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
