Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
