nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
what day is it and did you see me today?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
