NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
