I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
