Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
