He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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