I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
