I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We left an ass print on the piano.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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