using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
