I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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