Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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