I cockslap morals
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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