I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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