I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
