and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
