these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
