I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
