After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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