two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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