i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
