How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
did i just pee glitter
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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