Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
