are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
