The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
