Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
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