why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
