I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
