Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
