hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
