I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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