It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
