david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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