Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
