sarcasm needs its own font
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
