I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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