I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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